Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Who You Callin' Crazy?

At eighteen, the amount of mistakes I'd made rivaled the amount of annoyed customers standing in line at the DMV. But that didn't prevent me from making more. Nope.

I, Krystal Wade, was an idiot.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Krystal's going to rant and tell us what we should and should not do.


Neener, neener, neener! (Maybe I never matured past five. Shh!)

I, Krystal Wade, am going to tell you about one of the more innocent mistakes I made. One that will probably never make it into My Life: The Darker Side of Me (or whatever the heck I decide to call my life story.)

Weather forecasters predicted a doozy of a snowstorm. I'm a sucker for snow. Always have been. So, my boyfriend suggested we go snowboarding.


However, I grew up in Texas. My parents never took me skiing. Real snow only existed in my life for about a year and a half, since I moved to Virginia. But the daredevil in me said grab life by the horns and hit the slopes.

My boyfriend owned a board, something custom fit for him, but I had to borrow one from a friend. This friend spent an hour or so trying to figure out if I was "goofy footed" or if my left or right foot was the lead.

Let's just say I was clueless.

Excited and all big-eyed, we hopped in the car, fought the snowstorm, and arrived at Massanutten a few hours later. My belly swam with excitement. Night blanketed the snow-capped mountain, and snow drifted from the sky like, well, snow.

We purchased our lift tickets and were off. Nameless boyfriend wanted to hit Diamond Jim, a black diamond. I went with him. As soon as I stepped off the lift, I knew I was in trouble. Snowboarding is like having one leg, or I imagine that's what it's like. My left and right foot fought for control. I realized Diamond Jim sloped at an angle I didn't like.

But I had to do this. I couldn't be afraid. Daredevil, remember?

I lead with my right foot then slid down the mountain . . . fast. Too fast! Speed is not for me. Left foot fought for control. No, right foot wanted control. Had to slow down. Oh. My. God. My board turned sideways, and I scraped down the mountain with a load of passerby's shaking their head and muttering "snowboarders".

"Just watch me," my overly confident boyfriend said.

I watched him, all right. I watched him snowboard down the side of the mountain and not wait for me. Jerk.

Determination told me to get up. So I did. My board turned sideways again, and I allowed the front edge of it to touch the slope. I flipped over three times before landing on my back with the wind knocked out of me.

A kind guy about my age stopped then helped me up. I was crying. What the hell was I thinking? I'd never snowboarded before. I hated heights—if it were daytime, there's no way I'd have been up there—and I certainly preferred building snowmen over this strange exercise.

"Sit down," the guy I probably should have been dating said. "Slide down the rest of the way just sitting. Have you ever done this before?"


"Why are you on the hardest trail?"

Anger coursed through me. I didn't know I was on the most difficult trail. No one told me. Nice guy skied away, leaving me pissed, scared, and sore. Seriously. My back hurt like a *****.

I took his advice and made my way to the bottom while sitting on my rear. My boyfriend passed by a few times, laughing. The kind guy stopped every now and then to make sure I was okay. I made a couple attempts to strap the board on and ride down, but wound up hurting myself even worse than before.

Needless to say, my boyfriend and I broke up.

Moral of this story: Always know what you're getting into.

*Stop glaring* I had to slip some kind of positive message in this! Okay, I've told you about mine; I want to hear yours! What's the craziest/stupidest thing you've ever done?


  1. Ha! Too funny!! I was hoping, HOPING the end of the story was going to be that you and your boyfriend broke up (which you did), but that the "nice guy" wound up becoming your new boyfriend! Oh well, either way, this is hilarious (not that you got hurt, but just the way it's written). As for me? Gosh, I don't know. Ok, maybe not SO crazy, but a friend of mine and I decided to take a road trip from So Cal to Idaho to see my mother, swing west to head back down through Santa Cruz (where she was on break from school), and back to so Cal. The trip started out great. On the road, moving along. Boom. Transmission blow. We were in Hemet (I think). Either way, it was HOT, and there was no help for miles. We discovered the only way to get the van to work at all was to start it, FLOOR it, get it going for a couple miles, only to have the transmission crap out again. We finally got a hold of her parents, who found a mechanic FIFTY miles away in Victorville. So, needless to say, we had to get the van 50 miles from where we were doing that very activity - starting the van, flooring it, and cruising for two miles before we had to pull over and wait ten minutes before doing it again. But you know what?? We had the BEST time!!! Laughing, playing music, eating snacks, drinking cold soda. It really was great. You never know what can come out of an unexpected event. :)

  2. Glad my break up made you happy! :-P Fate didn't have me meeting my husband that day. No, my poor husband has tried a million times to convince me to ski the bunny slopes, but I refuse. Pain scares me.

    I love your story. Sounds like a BLAST. When we're young, those are exactly the types of things that make wonderful memories. When we're old, we don't usually laugh about such horrible things. haha. They still make memories though.

  3. Anonymous3/07/2012

    Hilarious, Krystal. I had a similar experience, but where I was the experienced skier with a newbie who bit off more than she could chew (tho on a blue square, not black diamond). However, I stuck with her and didn't leave her. Our other friend we were with did and, like your ex, skied past several times as we slowly traversed the hill.

    Anyway, stupidest thing I've ever done? Agreed to do the accounting for the SIF! Hahaha. Seriously, I'm not much of a risk taker. I only ski because I learned how to when I was 10. Besides, you know what a klutz I am...and that's just me walking! (BTW - smashed into the wall next to Ed's door last week. Remind you of anything?)

    1. YES! It reminds me of me! Funny you ran into the wall one door down from where I ran into the wall. I swear, those doors move!

  4. Replies
    1. Hahahhhaah. Wait. Hahahaha. You know who I'm talking about, right?! LOL. I was such an idiot...he was, too! No hard feelings. Makes for a great story though!

  5. I think possibly the biggest mistake in this story was the choice of boyfriend - rectified, as you said, when you broke up! The rest of the mistakjes wouldn't have happened if he'd bothered to teach you how to ski or snowboard, had waited for you, actually checked to see if you were all right, and hadn't stuck you on the hardest trail.

    1. Haha. We were young and stupid. I probably should have known better! That's the story of my life. ;-)

  6. All of my friends in highschool were avid skiiers and I had never attempted. I jumped in by joining ski club with them and refused to take any lessons. I just followed them around every black diamond they went looking like a crazy idiot. My motto was "if all else fails, sit down." I eventually became a quite excellent skiier but I never did take a lesson!

    1. You are a brave soul! I think learning with skis is what I should have done!

  7. You could turn this in to a short story. Maybe the nice guy takes the girl for a hot chocolate and go from there? :)

  8. Great story! My entertaining read of the day. Even more entertaining because I could so relate!

  9. "Broke up"? I would have killed him...slow...painful...torture.

    I got into a gypsy cab in Dallas for an 8 mile trip with a driver who did not speak English and had no radio in his cab. It took two hours to make it to my destination with me begging all the way to be let out of the cab!!!

  10. After reading this I now understand your reluctance and uncertainty to ski. If I told you it was easier to ski, and that I would take it easy on you next winter, would you consider joining me?


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