Thursday, September 15, 2011

Word of the Day is Poo

Being at work is not something that normally brings me to hysterics, but yesterday was no normal day. In fact the entire last month of my life has not been anything close to business as usual. Earthquakes, hurricanes, torrential rains . . . .

“Insert Employers Name Here, this is Krystal.” I answered the phone like I do every time it rings.

The person on the other end droned on and on about something I didn’t have the ability to help him with, but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

I sighed and twisted my finger through the phone cord until the base slid across my desk. “Oops. Oh no, sir, I wasn’t talking to you. Let me transfer you to the appropriate person.”

Pour soul!

Reaching to hang up the phone, I froze. A small speck of black about the size of a grain of rice lay on my desk. What is that? Upon closer inspection, my ick alarm rang.

Oh, God, I have mouse poo on my desk. Moving everything, I searched for—and found—more.

Everywhere.

A sudden urge to wash my hands, take a shower, bleach my desk, run from the room and scream YUCK, hit me hard.

My files, the window ledge, my desk, the floor—every place I looked there was poo. How did I not notice this before? How long has this little beady-eyed monster been running rampant in my office?

I mentioned something to my co-worker. We were disgusted together, but decided to let the Building Service manager know.

This is how my e-mail went: I think I have a mouse. I've found droppings on my desk. Do you need to see the droppings or can I go ahead and clean it? Can we set up traps? Eeek.

While waiting for a porter to come down and collect scat as proof—why the manager didn’t believe me, I’ll never understand—my coworkers and I searched everywhere. It wasn’t just on my desk; it was on everyone’s desks and files.

Thank God!

I was beginning to feel gross. Like maybe the mouse had a fascination with ONLY me. Like maybe I left tasty treats out for the damned thing to eat.

The poo was collected, desks were sterilized, floors vacuumed and traps set. We could go back to our regularly scheduled work.

But I keep expecting a ravenous beast to pop out from behind my phone or monitor or appear in my overhead cabinets. Yes, I know mice are sweet and cute, but not when they’re pooing on everything. Guess I’ll have to eat my cheese somewhere else.

Sigh.

24 comments:

  1. Like Jiminy Cricket, it's your own personal mouse to follow you around and caution you on the bad decisions you make. Oh, and to freak you out!

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  2. HA, JKP! Hopefully everyone else will be as enthusiastic as you. :-)

    I'm beginning to think you're right, Jason; I'm afraid of everything!

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  3. Sounds more like a small community of mice. One mouse couldn't leave all that poooooo. How did you know what it was? Could have been a troll or a family of stray elves.

    JJ

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  4. I would have preferred the stray elves. Let me tell ya! The engineer did decide we have an infestion of sorts. So far the sticky traps haven't caught anything....

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  5. We had a mouse in our newspaper office, once upon a time. He'd show up, nibble on someone's lunch and leave tiny presents in the desk drawers. I named him Hector and advised my colleagues to take it in stride. Then there were two. We caught one in a trap and I took it outside and stomped on it to put it out of its misery. But there were still two. Then three. Then the exterminator came and found hundreds in the ceiling and walls. Where there's one, there are more.

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  6. And now I'm scared--and looking up! In the ceiling? Eeek. What if they fall on me? I have to go home now!

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  7. I have a bird phobia. Once in a former office, I sat at my desk for an hour before seeing a DEAD bird at my feet under my desk. I also had a mouse practically run across my feet one day in that same office. No, I didn't work in the slums. Sorry for your crappy experience. ;)

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  8. LOL RWW, "hundreds in the ceiling and walls". I wasn't going to say it, didn't want to freak Krystal out. You read my mind, though.

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  9. Mice are adorable when they're not shitting all over the place and living in the walls of your house and chewing up your kids socks and whatnot. Or in the office, as is your case. Hilarious, though. Sorry, I cracked up on the "ravenous beast" part.

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  10. Eww, Brinda, at your feet??? I would have run from the building screaming! Okay, I might do that for less than a dead bird....

    Kelly, am I earning a chicken reputation?

    They are ravenous bests, Amberr!

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  11. I'd have to request to work from home:)

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  12. Very fine idea, Suzie....hmmm. Do you think it will work? PTSD?!

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  13. Eeeeewwwww! I feel I need a shower just from reading it! Keep us updated! x

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  14. I will. So far the sticky traps have come up empty....

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  15. Eeeewwwwh! We had em in a college house but our landlord didn't care! So I had to cut the lining under the couch (where the lived) and the lay traps. I couldn't deal with the little bodies so my new college bf took care of em, I knew that some day I was gonna marry him as I saw him dispose of em and in a year I am!

    Cool post K.

    Onwards
    michelle

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  16. I worked in a petrol station years ago and the place was infested with them. We'd come in every morning and find another one floating dead in the water buckets. One day one of the guys was messing with another guy, waving the dead mouse in his face. Other guy went to swat him away but first guy lost grip on the mouse and it FLEW INTO OTHER GUY'S MOUTH! And I will now leave you with that image. :-)

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  17. I would totally have the same "Disinfect me ... disinfect EVERYTHING!!" reaction.

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  18. Bring a cat to work with you.

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  19. Oh, I remember your mouse encounter well, Sarah! :-)

    If I could bring my cat to work with me, I would!

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  20. lol that so sounds like something that would happen to me! Hopefully they get that under control. :P

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  21. Sure it wasn't chocolate rice? OH! :)

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  22. I'm positive. We still haven't caught the little rodents either. UGH!

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