Welcome back, Mad Scientists. Hopefully you've all been working on your Frankenstein's--aka queries--and you're noticing lots of improvements in your creations.
As promised yesterday, I'm here to provide you with my successful query. This short letter earned me two acceptances . . . on the same day.
Now, I want you all to know I edited this a tad before it went on my actual book. So below this successful query, I'm pasting the final version.
Enjoy!
Dear Ms. XXXX,
“There is no pain in this death, only peace, knowing I am going to die with the one I love the most.” – Katriona Wilde
Katriona Wilde has never wondered what it would feel like to have everything she’s ever known and loved ripped away, but she is about to find out. When she inadvertently leads her sister and best friend through a portal into a world she’s dreamed of for six years, she finds herself faced with more than just the frightening creatures in front of her. She’s forced to accept a new truth: her entire life has been a lie, and those closest to her have betrayed her. What’s worse, she has no control over her new future, and it’s full of magic and horrors from which nightmares are made. Will she discover and learn to control who she really is in time to save the ones she loves, or will all be lost?
Full of love and loss in 95,766 words, Wilde’s Fire is the first of a three-part fantasy written with young adults in mind, but has the potential to span across many age groups. I’ve attached the synopsis, prologue and first three chapters for your review. Your time and consideration are appreciated.
With Respect,
So I've tweaked that little query/blurb to read this way:
"There is no pain in this death, only peace, knowing I am going to die with the one I love the most." - Katriona Wilde.
Katriona Wilde has never wondered what it would feel like to have everything she's ever known and loved ripped away, but she is about to find out. When she inadvertently leads her sister and best friend through a portal into a world she's dreamed of for six years, she finds herself faced with more than just the frightening creatures in front of her. Kate's forced to accept a new truth: her entire life has been a lie, and those closest to her have betrayed her. What's worse, she has no control over her new future, and it's full of magic and horrors from which nightmares are made. Will Kate discover and learn to control who she really is in time to save the ones she loves, or will all be lost?
Hope this helps!
<3 Krystal
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Very nice, thanks for sharing. I love the quote as introduction, and ending with a question, but what I really see is the imagery that James spoke of in his first critique of my query.
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful clinic, thank you, for all your help!
I'm glad the clinic has helped you. Just so you know, I must have written this query a hundred times before I got it right. It's best to have people, who've also read the book, to go over it with you. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the example. It's great. I need advice. I've queried and been rejected so many times It's sad. I've rewritten my query letter. Do you think there's any point in sending my new query letter out to agents who have already rejected me?
ReplyDeleteThank for any help you can give me.
Well, that depends. How did the agent reject you? Form letter? Did they say, "You need to work on this, this, and this, and then you can return to me"? Because when you query, you are sending more than just the letter to them, you are sending a sample of your writing. I wouldn't resubmit to an agent if you've only changed your query letter, and I definitely wouldn't resubmit to an agent unless you've made DRASTIC changes to your manuscript. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteAnd if all you received back from that agent was a form rejection, I wouldn't resubmit to them at all.
Thanks for sharing, Krystal. Your example is very helpful.
ReplyDelete