Word of the Day is Poo

Being at work is not something that normally brings me to hysterics, but yesterday was no normal day. In fact the entire last month of my life has not been anything close to business as usual. Earthquakes, hurricanes, torrential rains . . . .

“Insert Employers Name Here, this is Krystal.” I answered the phone like I do every time it rings.

The person on the other end droned on and on about something I didn’t have the ability to help him with, but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

I sighed and twisted my finger through the phone cord until the base slid across my desk. “Oops. Oh no, sir, I wasn’t talking to you. Let me transfer you to the appropriate person.”

Pour soul!

Reaching to hang up the phone, I froze. A small speck of black about the size of a grain of rice lay on my desk. What is that? Upon closer inspection, my ick alarm rang.

Oh, God, I have mouse poo on my desk. Moving everything, I searched for—and found—more.

Everywhere.

A sudden urge to wash my hands, take a shower, bleach my desk, run from the room and scream YUCK, hit me hard.

My files, the window ledge, my desk, the floor—every place I looked there was poo. How did I not notice this before? How long has this little beady-eyed monster been running rampant in my office?

I mentioned something to my co-worker. We were disgusted together, but decided to let the Building Service manager know.

This is how my e-mail went: I think I have a mouse. I've found droppings on my desk. Do you need to see the droppings or can I go ahead and clean it? Can we set up traps? Eeek.

While waiting for a porter to come down and collect scat as proof—why the manager didn’t believe me, I’ll never understand—my coworkers and I searched everywhere. It wasn’t just on my desk; it was on everyone’s desks and files.

Thank God!

I was beginning to feel gross. Like maybe the mouse had a fascination with ONLY me. Like maybe I left tasty treats out for the damned thing to eat.

The poo was collected, desks were sterilized, floors vacuumed and traps set. We could go back to our regularly scheduled work.

But I keep expecting a ravenous beast to pop out from behind my phone or monitor or appear in my overhead cabinets. Yes, I know mice are sweet and cute, but not when they’re pooing on everything. Guess I’ll have to eat my cheese somewhere else.

Sigh.